The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
