I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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