Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
