I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
3 2 1 whiskey
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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