Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
