i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
