Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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