If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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