guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
