Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
