You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
