I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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