I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize