He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
