YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
