Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
