Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
