I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love you.
Bad choice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
