My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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