So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
