I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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