if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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