Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
