STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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