Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
