That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
