o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
