its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
