Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He shit in the fireplace
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
