My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i have two assholes
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
