the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
