Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
