You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
