I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
