I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's Friday. Sex?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
