the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
