I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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