Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
