I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
