Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it hurts more in the daytime
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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