my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
