Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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