i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
