There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
