So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
