Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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