Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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