Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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