Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
