According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
