Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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