I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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