And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
