i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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