I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
