if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just google imaged poop.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
