Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
