sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
