dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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