I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
