hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
