you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
