I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
